in english


La maman zèbre est enceinte pendant un an. La poulette, pendant moins d’un mois. La truie, quant à elle, est enceinte pendant presque quatre mois et la maman girafe pendant 15 mois, comme la chamelle, alors que madame hippopotame n’est enceinte que pendant huit mois et la souricette pendant 19 jours. Les thésardes, elles, sont généralement enceintes pendant 36 mois!!

Moi, j’ai été enceinte pendant exactement 20 mois, plus longtemps qu’une girafe mais moins longtemps qu’une thésarde normale, et heureusement, mon bébé n’a pas un cou de deux mètres ni deux bosses sur le dos comme le bébé chameau! Par contre, il fait presque 2 inches d’épaisseur, 8.5 inches de largeur, 11 inches de hauteur, et pratiquement 400 pages! C’est un gros bébé!

Accoucher, comme ça, après avoir été enceinte pendant si longtemps, c’est douloureux. C’est un peu comme si soudain, on ne servait plus à rien. On perd aussi le statut prestigieux et le titre de « thésarde, » ainsi que les encouragements qui vont avec (tu vas y arriver, courage, je t’admire, etc.) et on passe dans le camp de ceux qui ont réussi. Les autres, celles qui sont enceintes pour 36 mois, sont jalouses mais arrivent quand même à me féliciter alors que je me sens maintenant inutile, très bête, et que je m’ennuie ferme. Vingt mois de travail jour, nuit, semaine, et weekend, 20 mois sans vacances, 20 mois sans arrêter d’y penser, 20 mois de soucis, 20 mois d’espoir, 20 mois de hauts et de bas, 20 mois où les nausées alternaient avec la perte de poids, la prise de poids, les jambes enflées, du mal à dormir, des envies de cornichons au chocolat, des besoins pressants, et du mal à digérer, ça ne s’oublie pas comme ça!

Mon bébé est tout seul sur la table de mon bureau, abandonné, et je ne veux plus le voir ni en entendre parler. Il a besoin d’encore beaucoup de travail, la lutte n’est pas finie, mais ma tête est comme citrouille et mon corps se révolte. Mon cerveau semble s’être mis en grève générale et mon énergie est probablement partie se resourcer aux Bahamas.

Même une soirée avec des copains sympa n’a pas aidé, même un bon repas avec une chouette amie, même Les Visiteurs, même des bisous de chatounes qui se font encore la gueule mais que j’adore. Même le sommeil semble en avoir marre d’avoir travaillé si longtemps à réparer tant de dégâts et ne veut plus me rendre visite, me laissant épuisée, les yeux grands ouverts, l’esprit vide, du sang de navet dans les veines, et l’envie de ne plus jamais sortir de mon lit pour le restant de mes jours.

Je vous mets ma première tentative d’abstract (c’est quoi en français?) comme ça vous pouvez vous amuser à essayer de comprendre mon baratin pendant que moi je me remets de mes émotions. Y’a plein de fautes et des tas de trucs qui ne veulent pas dire grand’chose, et c’est encore très nul, mais je m’en fiche complètement! Moi, je retourne me pieuter pour quelques semaines!

The number of learners of English as an international means of communication increases hand in hand with the number of nonnative English-speaking teachers (NNESTs) of English as a Second Language (ESL) and the number of Native English-Speaking ESL teachers (NESTs). At the same time, scholars (Kamhi-Stein, 1999; Liu, 1999; Llurda, 2005) have estimated non-native English speakers to account for 40% to 70% of the North-American student teacher population. However, few studies investigated the working conditions of NESTs and NNESTs at Intensive English Programs (IEP) and the different factors that affect their successes and challenges. This research thus investigates 1040 ESL students’ attitudes towards NESTs and NNESTs, the variables (students’ first language, gender, class, level, and expected grades, teachers’ first language, and the different IEPs) that influenced students’ responses, and the effects of time on students’ attitudes, with questionnaires completed both at the beginning and at the end of the fall 2005 semester. Online questionnaires also solicited 18 NNESTs and 76 NNESTs’ self-perceptions about proficiency and teaching skills, as well as 21 IEP administrators’ beliefs about, and experiences with, NNESTs and NESTs. Results showed that overall, students’ attitudes were more positive towards NESTs than towards NNESTs, although students taught by NNESTs held a significantly more positive attitude towards them than students taught by NESTs. This positive attitude towards NNESTs increased significantly with time and exposure. Results also showed that students and teachers’ first languages, among others, strongly influenced students’ responses and that NNESTs were not necessarily seen as grammar experts but could be esteemed Listening/Speaking teachers. Teachers’ responses revealed NNESTs’ lack of confidence in their linguistic and teaching skills but also their beliefs that NNESTs’ language learning experience was an asset for ESL students. Finally, administrators also recognized NNESTs’ strengths as well as their poor self-confidence. While they did not use nativeness as hiring criteria, they emphasized the importance of linguistics preparation and international knowledge, as well as teaching experience.

Salad is good! Salad is healthy! Salad is better than chips, or chocolate, or junk food. What is junk fook? Junk food is pizza, hamburgers, french fries, ice cream, and things like that. I love junk food, but it is bad for my health. It is unhealthy.

So I eat salad, sometimes. Not always. But often. I like salad. In fact, I love salad very much! It is easy to make, simple, cheap (not expensive), quick, and yummy (delicious). In my salad, I can put all the vegetables I want: carrots, lettuce, radishes, onions, tomatoes, potatoes, cucumbers, mushrooms, corn, spinach, beans, cauliflower, broccoli, artichokes, asparagus, cabbage, peas, green, red, or yellow peppers, celery, and many more! Herbs are also good: chives, basil, sage, rosemary, mint, parsley, cilantro, dill, thyme, oregano, alfalfa, garlic.

You can cut the vegetables, or shred them (lettuce, for example), peel them (potatoes), chop them (cabbage), quarter them (broccoli), grate them (carrots), slice them (radishes), dice them (onions), shell them (peas), or trim them (mushroom).

Yesterday, I ate a delicious simple salad, with shredded lettuce, chopped tomatoes, hard-boiled eggs, and parsley, and sliced cucumber. Yummy! It was delicious :)

I don’t like celery and green peppers in my salad. I also don’t like mint, rosemary, and sage. But I love eggplants, zucchinis, tomatoes, mushrooms, chives, parsley, and potatoes. What do you not like? What is your favorite vegetable?

Bonne appétite ;)

weekend in ann arbor michigan: good stuff, bad stuff:
- driving up here, 5 long hours, bad traffic, but a fun program on the radio about the old « life of bryan » movie of the monty python coming out again after 25 years with old interviews with john cleese, graham chapman, eric idle, terry jones, and many other very funny people. man, john cleese is simply hilarious!
- my brother-in-law is very generous and he treats me like a queen when i’m here. nice restaurants, parties, the seinfeld show in detroit, amazing food, movies, etc. it’s so nice of him! it’s also good to spend some time with my little sister, she’s fun and nice, and we have some good times together!
- that same brother-in-law drives me crazy! every time i say something he says the opposite and always manages to make me feel stupid. he criticizes what i say, says that i don’t know what i’m talking about, sees my doctoral studies as a joke (yeah, because i’m in linguistics and not engineering!), believes that i understand nothing about politics, the movies, history, religions, americans, money, literature, teaching, and the world in general… i already feel very insecure about what i do in general but here, i feel completely worthless, stupid, and depressed, sometimes. this morning i wanted to stand up and leave (and cry of rage)!
- we saw the new movie troy. well done and very interesting when it comes to history, religion, etc., but also not so good: poor actors, retarded dialogs, hollywoodian interpretation of history, very bloody… well ok, maybe that was the only realistic part.
- i love my sister’s cats. i breathe better when i can pet cats, when i feel them sleep next to me, when i can play with them. and her cats are simply adorable, very funny, cute, and completely crazy. i wish i could have a cat too!
- i am stuck here until tuesday morning and this is quite annoying. i am trying to study a little but there is the 6-foot tv plus cable here, so i’m watching a lot of bad, old movies, and not getting a lot of studying done. very bad news for my exams (i know, it’s not engineering, but it’s still hard)!!!
- it’s always good to come here and good to leave too. i guess that’s good: i have a good time here and then i am happy to go back to my place too.

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There is a stalker in here, on my journal! Someone who:

- came here at least 19 times in the last 48 hours,
- appeared here a few days ago only,
- has spent approximately 8 hours on my journal in the last 48 hours,
- reads all my archives,
- lives in the Central Time area,
- has an IP number starting with 4.65.253 (today), or 4.65.244 (yesterday),
- uses Netscape 5.0
- uses a Macintosh (a laptop?)
- is connected through dsl.verizon.net,
- seems to be working for Bolt Beranek and Newman Inc.,
- has my journal’s address in his/her bookmarks,
- comes at any time of the day or the night (but more often at night),
- messes up my statistics
- and maybe can even hack into this journal… and why not my computer?
(and no, I am not working in technological forensic science… Although right now, I wish I were!)

Now, I might be mistaken in some of these above facts, but wow… scary and super creepy anyway! I read that BBN is a company that was awarded the original contract to build the ARPANET and which has been extensively involved in Internet development. They are responsible for managing NNSC, CSNET, and NEARnet. Maybe I’m being tracked because I said bad things about le buisson maudit… and maybe they are also involved in this? Anyway, when you read this, dear stalker, please let me know who you are and why you like my journal so much, that’ll be very appreciated :)

UPDATE dans les commentaires!

~bad poem for bad weather~

yesterday
twenty-nine
and sunny
but too hot
too humid
too silent
and too bright
suspicion

and today
only ten
suddenly
it is dark
and windy
yellow sky
running clouds
violent rain
thunderstorm
no power
weird noises
fear and tears
tornado

be careful
don’t go out
roofs will fly
trees will fall
destruction
you will die

PS. merci auzamis qui sont venus me faire un p’tit coucou hier pour me remonter le moral :)

a few days ago, i got a phone call from a very special friend… that i had not talked to for at least five years! i was so happy to hear from him!!! i’ve missed him and often wondered about him… so here’s a song for him to remind us both of the good days… (5 points of extra credit if you recognize where it comes from! 20 points bonus champion si vous devinez d’ou cette chanson vient!)


Les poissons, les poissons
How I love les poissons
Love to chop and to serve little fish
First I cut off their heads
Then I pull out their bones
Ah mes oui, savez toujours delice

Les poissons, les poissons
Hee hee hee, haw haw haw
With a cleaver I hack them in two
I pull out what’s inside
And I serve it up fried
God, I love little fishes, don’t you?

Here’s something for tempting the palette
Prepared in the classic technique
First you pound the fish flat with a malette
Then you slash off their skin
Give their belly a slice
Then you rub some salt in
‘Cause it makes it taste nice
Zoot alors, I have missed one!

Sacre bleu, what is this?
How on earth could I miss
Such a sweet little succulent crab
Quel Domage, what a loss
Here we go, in the sauce
Now some flour I think just a dab
Now I stuff you with bread
Don’t worry, ’cause you’re dead!
And you’re certainly lucky you are
‘Cause it’s gonna be hot in my big silver pot!
Tout-aloo mon poisson
Au revoir :)

keep in touch mon poisson :)

~bad haiku for bad weather~
l’hiver est parti
les tornades (sont) revenues
huit morts, ici, hier.

i am super frustrated with my poor flash/fireworks/dreamweaver skills so i tend to hate the mediocrity of what i do on my own pages… consequently, i create a new homepage every 2 or 3 months…

considering all the amazing webpages out there (from people who actually know what they’re doing), the question is NOT « is this new page GOOD? » but rather « is this new page BETTER than the old one? » en deux mots pour les pas-si-anglophones-que-ca: dites-moi ce que vous pensez (vraiment!) de ma nouvelle page pliz :) attention, si vous avez un ordinateur super tres lent, il se peut qu’il vous explose a la figure…

the old one

the new one

please let me know what you think, if you like it or not, if it’s better than the last one, if it’s faster (that was kind of the point this time), if it works well on all platforms and operating systems and encoding stuff and macs and non-macs; tell me if i should change something, the fonts, the size, the colors, the pics, the whole thing, or maybe if i should simply quit trying… non, on ne compare pas avec la page super genial archi cool de machin bidule ni avec celle mega top trop excellente de truc chose, on ne veut pas deprimer miss lulu si tot le matin deja!

i’m already thinking about the next one… merde, on peut jamais dormir dans cette baraque!

PS. je cherche des petits drapeaux qui volent au lieu d’etre tout droits et moches, alors si vous en avez…
PPS. cali, j’ai change les textures un peu… qu’est-ce que t’en penses? princessh? les zotes zartistes?

what’s fun is that i’m taking this drug every morning, and then for a couple of hours my cornfields look like that:

time to get to work!

how do you say in french « available » as in
-this book is not available yet.

or as in:
- will you be available tomorrow at 2?

also, how do you say « whatever » in french, as in:

- this movie sucks!
- no, it’s awsome!
- no, it’s really bad!
- … yeah, whatever!

or as in:
- dude, you’re so stupid!
- … whatever!

or as in:
- what do you want to do tonight?
- whatever!

or as in:
- ok, so let’s try to speak french.
- … yeah, whatever!

ps. pour pintel: comment on dit en chouitzeur dutche?
allez, une petite derniere pour rigolotter:

this weekend, my laundry/shopping/cleaning little helper and i decided to do a big spring cleaning of my apartment. little did we know what kind of surprises were awaiting us… we found several interesting creatures that had decided that my apartment’s rent was cheap, the food decent, and the company agreeable!

comfortably sleeping under my pillow we found this really sweet baby:

this handsome creature was hiding between my dvds, having a hard time choosing between « the last emperor » and « the full monty, » while his beautiful mate was in my cds, enjoying her day while listening to paolo conte. here they are together, and yes, i know i must go get a new manicure this very morning, my nails are growing way too fast!

this cute pie was found on a bookshelf… probably enjoying « financing education » and « statistics for the utterly confused » as much as i am: while that one gorgeous and sweet furry thing (probably the mate of the first one, i’m proud to say that i’m hosting several happy couples in this place) was discovered under my desk, trying to decide which cable was coming from which machine and going into which outlet:

little less charming but almost ready to bloom into a beautiful butterfly was our little green friend, that we found eating my clothes: and in my shoes (sorry guys, i only have about 15 pairs of shoes, that won’t get you very far!) were these two slick and slimy guys (again, a happy couple?):

in my bathtub i found this scary and probably highly dangerous animal: and comfortably installed in my laundry basket was this yellow wild and ferocious monster that scared us so much that i’m still shivering two days later:

finally, in my begonias we found someone who was hiding quite well but didn’t fool us: while on my balcony, carelessly eating the above-mentioned begonias and enjoying the sun (28C today!), was a great cheese and sweater maker:

… i THINK it was time for a good spring cleaning!

… ok, you don’t believe me? hehehe! i DID have a big spring cleaning this weekend, though, and i DID hold and pet (caresser) all those fun creatures (often my hands that you see). however, i didn’t find them in my apartment but visited them on saturday morning at purdue’s annual BUG BOWL (like the super bowl but with cute bugs instead of ugly football players) (price to pay: free, except for a blister on my left elbow and a very red sunburn on my face!) it was sooooo much fun!! next year i’ll try eating crickets!!

i was coming out of a house and right there, there were thousands of shooting stars (une pluie d’etoiles filantes) and i thought i could make thousands of wishes but i decided to make only one. and then, it was sunny, and there was a ray of sun right in front of me, that i could touch, and it had texture and felt like warm, soft fabrique, like curtains, that i could move with my hand but i could put my hand through it too…

conversation with Janeen, one of our very nice secretaries, after i saw her outside of work with 2 little kids:
- hey Janeen, i saw you with your two kids yesterday, they are so cute!
- oh you did? thanks :)
- it was strange to see you with kids, you look so young!
- well, these are my two youngest, my oldest is 14!
- 14?? but you look like you’re 20!!
- humm… yeah, 20 plus 11 years!

she’s 31… and she has a kid who is 14… she has 3 kids… and guess how old i am… and guess how many kids i have… i also saw this really beautiful movie tonight, called pieces of april, about the difficult relationship between a mother and her daughter… and then someone i don’t know much but wish i knew better was writing about a new birth tonight, a little Rose… and all this just makes me think about my own small life and where it is taking me…

attention: s’il vous prennait l’idee saugrenue de mettre des myrtilles dans votre birchermuesli matinal, mettez-les-y AVANT de verser le lait ou vouzorez des tas d’eclaboussures partout dans la cuisine!

allez lire ce petit article marrant a propos de l’esprit francais (merci a ma chouchoutte de soeur Jeanne pour le lien!).

and go read this funny article about a research done on google about a certain president’s foreign friends!

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this is the weirdest thing. in my department, we have 3 teachers: M, whom I love and who is the greatest teacher (and dissertation chair!) on earth; T, her husband, who is a great teacher too; and A. now, last winter i tried to take A’s « research design » (=statistics) class and didn’t like the way she was teaching at all so i left! plus i didn’t like her much as a person… avoided her… didn’t take any of the other classes she offered… didn’t try to work for her (although i could be teaching something fantastic for her) because i didn’t want her to supervise me… so, even though we « live » in the same building, we didn’t speak for more than a year.

so, all was good in cornland until i went to TESOL in california, a few weeks ago… and there… i met A! in fact, i met her the morning when i was doing my big presentation and SHE was doing a big presentation too, and she was freaking out!! and i was pretty relaxed about my presentation!! so i tried to encourage her… and then met her a couple more times there and she was still feeling so insecure, and i was feeling so good there, it was strange (she’s been doing this for years and knows her stuff, while i’m still pretty new at it, been in the field for only 5 years)! so anyway, since then, every time she sees me, she talks to me and she is so nice and so interested in what i’m doing and in my ideas and all… today we spoke outside for an hour about my research methods and the statistical analysis i should/shouldn’t use with my data (don’t use means, standard deviations, and anovas for likert scales, use simple descriptive statistics and chi square instead, she said!)… wow… i tried to get her to be on my dissertation committee, me, the one person who said i’d NEVER ask her to be on my committee… wow… she really is the nicest person one on one… i still think she’s not such a great class teacher though… i might even try to work for her next year (although i’ve already been asked to teach 227 and 106i and 505 and god knows what else)! life’s strange… people can be so different in different settings…

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hey, they have new images at james’!

the third type of audience i must please is ze french! alors la, bien sur, c’est pas du gateau! comme les amerloques sont plutot difficiles a plaire en ce moment, i have decided to help you with immigration, au cas ou vous decideriez de venir me rendre visite!

- je suis ici pour le plaisir/les affaires: i’m here for pleasure/business
- je n’ai rien a declarer: i have nothing to declare
- devez-vous vraiment ouvrir tous mes bagages? : must you really open all my bags?
- oh le beau toutou! nice doggie!
- bien sur, n’hesitez pas a reduire ma valise en miette: of course, you’re more than welcome to tear my suitcase apart!
- heureusement ce ne sont que des valises de louis vuitton! lucky they’re only these tacky louis vuitton bags!
- non, je ne suis pas ici pour tuer george, mais prennez quand meme mes emprintes digitales, on ne sait jamais… no, i’m not here to kill george, but please do take my fingerprints just in case…
- oui, je suis francais(e), mais non, je ne suis pas un(e) terroriste. ca n’est pas la meme chose! yes, i’m french, but no, i’m not a terrorist. it’s not the same thing!
- non, je n’ai pas de roquefort: no, i didn’t pack any roquefort
- je pense que ce sont mes chaussettes que vous reniflez: i think you smell my socks.
- je hais les gens qui se disent existentialistes: I hate people who say they are existentialists.
- j’espere avoir le plairsir de vous revoir un jour: i look forward to seeing you again someday!

have a nice trip :) a bientot!

as i keep telling my students, everything that is being written must be done with the audience in mind. ca veut dire que quand on ecrit, on doit penser a QUI va lire le bidule. une lettre a sa maman ne sera pas ecrite de la meme facon qu’une lettre a son banquier. of course, this complicates the matter for me. my audience is very difficult to target: d’abord, il y a ma famille en suisse, et rien que ca, c’est du boulot! foutimasser des floppees de beuses et de chenit pendant qu’il roille a faire des monstres gouilles, et alors que je suis encore toute mollachue et un peu niolue, c’est plus facile que de petouiller ou de passer une panosse qui peclote en mangeant du papet qui schlingue pas et en buvant septante pistouilles qui rappicolent et requinquent son homme, tout en reluquant mon taguenet de frere qui taguenasse (et qui est probablement le seul a pouvoir comprendre ce baraguinage!) en mangeant une tapee de tailles au grebons avant de se faire donner une torniole par ce becasson de zieutiste un peu dzodzet sur les bords, parce qu’il courbe l’ecole et ne veut pas poutser le foehn, qu’arrete pas de batoiller et d’eclafer des zwiebacks dans son galeta. t’as tout compris flip flap?

ok, so that’s the swiss audience, now let’s talk about the english-speaking audience. as we all know, those people (namely Bequi and Myq) were the first ones to read this blog, and consequently, i can’t really stop writing in english because i know that Myq’s french is limited to voulez-vous coucher avec moi?, which will only take us so far. i like english, it’s an easy language that everyone should master, and here’s a little help for the french speakers who are trying to understand what i write: hot dogs are made of warm dogs, eggplants come out of hens’ rear ends like eggs, pineapples grow on pine trees, and tough, enough, though, cough, bough, slough, dough, through, thorough, hiccough, laugh, and lough, are all pronounced the same.

and since i know that the english speakers are dying to speak some french, here’s a famous french song phonetically translated for you:
oak lair dollar loon her
mona me peer row
pretty’m what a bloomer
poor ache rear urn mow
mash an delhi mortar
shin ape lewder fur
who frame what a porter
poor lamb oar did yer!

… la suite a demain…

i hated:
- the highway i-65 with all those crazy trucks and the pouring rain: most dangerous highway, don’t take it! je plaisante pas! je vais y crever un jour!
- the security gate with its 2-mile long line (at 6am!). take off your belt, your shoes, your coat, your wallet, … you glasses, your pants, your shirt…
- having forgotten both the address of the hotel where i was staying and the book i had bought just for that trip… haha, typical of me! on pourrait meme se demander si j’ai pas oublie ma tete… j’avais pas l’air conne en arrivant et en essayant d’expliquer la situation au taxi…
- having to wear high heels that hurt my legs after 30 minutes for 21 hours! … and five days in a row! ma mere m’a toujours dit: il faut souffrir pour etre belle!
- $70 for a taxi ride between john wayne airport and the hotel… $60 on the way back, maybe it’ll be only $50 next time :)
- the oversized convention center with so many people and so many boring presentations/leader meetings/training workshops to go to. the only presentation i was able to go to because i WANTED to was on saturday afternoon! et en plus cette presentation etait super nulle!
- the 3-hour time difference between california and indiana, so when it was time for dinner with the president of this or that it was midnight for me and i was way too tired…
- ca, ca me fait pas rigoler: the dog that woke me up at 5am local time–les chiens ont quelque chose contre moi, c’est sur!!
- the prospect of having lunch on thursday with the minister of education of hungary and a few other people like that… fear of having nothing to say (ah, la hongrie vient de rentrer dans l’union europeenne? vachement interessant!), of sounding stupid and unimportant, much anxiety!
- leaving the house at 7am and coming back at 10pm every day… walking in this huge convention center all day and between hotels too, and having to do the same again the next day…
- my body is revolting against the accumulated exhaustion: my legs and back and feet and shoulders and even wrists are killing me! and a night of sleep isn’t even enough to make me feel rested again. i’ll need a few weeks to recover!
- $30 for lunch, $40 for dinner, $30 for lunch, $30 for dinner, $50 for lunch… etc… hurting… le prix de la gloire! … yeah, whatever!
- the summer time change (but indiana doesn’t change and europe changed a couple of weeks ago, how confusing!): i didn’t know about it (and neither did the taxi driver!) and almost missed my plane! on sunday, i was on four different times (pacific, daylight saving, mountain, and central)!
- the long trip back home, exactly 13 hours door to door! bon allez d’accord, j’arrete de me plaindre. c’est vrai, c’etait tuant cette conference, mais il y avait plein de bon moments et de choses super chouettes!

i loved:
- the fact that i was in california. when i was 17 i came to the us for the first time and stayed for a few months in california… spent a few weeks here for an arts workshop too about 5 years ago… many trips around california with cath and other people… spent christmas here with guillermo 3 years ago (tiens, il me manque celui-la)… lots of good memories!
- names like magnolia road, cypress street, fountain valley… it sounds so romantic.
- the cute bed and breakfast place where was staying, with its porcelaine tea cups, its game of trivial pursuit, the computer, my private little bathroom, other guests from all over the world, the odd but very nice owner, the yellow rubber duck in my bathtub, the over-stuffed room with the king-sized bed and the 8 pillows on which i sleep like a baby, not enough, but at least it was comfortable! eh oui, on se la coule douce dans un petit hotel called « deluxe » room in the directory of B&B’s…
- the ocean and the weather (not that i see much of it, since i am locked all day in an ugly convention center), but it’s nice, sunny, green, with amazing flowers everywhere and even hummingbirds already, and warm enough to wear short-sleeved shirts and to sleep on top of the blanket. j’aaaaime la californie!!!
- seeing old friends from byu and purdue and other places too, old teachers, old students, old colleagues…
- talking with A. that i don’t like much but am learning to appreciate (en fait, il me fait encore vraiment chier mais je fais des efforts)… don’t know if he likes me and values my input or is just bored so talks to me… and offers me coffees… il doit vraiment s’ennuyer!
- talking with G. whom i really like more every time i see him, who is so encouraging and funny and interesting, and who was the one who reviewed a manuscript for tesol quarterly and advised the writer to read my thesis. je l’adore ce type, c’est des gens comme lui qui me donnent le courage de continuer dans cette voie. him saying that he was « concerned » about me because i was so serious this year (ben c’est l’age i guess)…
- lunch with the minister of international relations of hungary or something and a few other important people like that (i have nice friends!)… laughs… good times… funny gossip… serious talking… i am serious, i am listened to, my ideas are valued, my comments do make a difference… bon d’accord, il n’y avait pas de raison de paniquer… c’etait chouette et pas pompeux ou chiant du tout, le type est vraiment interessant et en plus il parle francais! nice!
- the big presentation: it went so well… and the « fame » and recognition all day afterwards… people congratulating me… i felt so comfortable at that thing, i am a natural born public speaker! (la vanite va me tuer un jour, je le sens… mon ego gonfle…) 70-80 people attended that presentation :)
- dr T. introducing me: phd student, webmanager, blah blah AND looking for a rich handsome and intelligent man to date! haha, coming from him, the most serious person i know on this planet, it made me laugh so hard!! i love to talk to him!
- being asked by tons of people, after the presentation, if i was REALLY a nonnative speaker of english… B. telling me that i was the first foreigner to fool him into believing i was a native speaker of english! (ego mon bel ego, dis-moi…) very interesting person too, this B., nice conversations!
- discussing with the iep people about becoming their web-manager and proposal reader… and maybe more… making contacts, networking, getting go know new people that will be interesting and useful for my research (ca enfle, ca enfle…)
- dinner with both the deans of byu’s and byu hawai’i’s linguistics departments, getting new business cards, being asked to send an article to their journal as well as a copy of my thesis… (attention, ca va exploser…) (a deflated ego is not good, but what about an exploded ego?)
- going to the all caucus’ leaders meeting… interesting… kinda scary… but i like this kinda stuff so next year i’ll definitely campaign to be nominated as vice-chair of our caucus. i hope you’ll vote for me and my ego :)
- going to wasabi for lunch/dinner and eating some really good sushi and other stuff… wish i could stay here longer just for that restaurant! not even expensive. i’d say better quality and more food for the same price as in indiana! i LOOOOOOOOVE sushi!!!
- the last day, FINALLY! I SURVIVED!!! home sweet home!!! maison sucree maison, hehe… i LOVE my bed!! oui et c’est pas tout ca les enfants, mais je vais me pieuter parce que j’ai assez dit de conneries pour ce soir! a bientot :)

et joyeux anniversaire a ma maman preferee, adoree, bien-aimee!!! biz biz!

When i hurt that much, physically, and can’t sleep, can’t think, can’t work, can’t study, can’t do anything but hurt, i feel like this:
peterdejong0004.jpg
or like that (that’s right now):
peterdejong0005.jpg

I’ve always been intrigued and attracted by spirals… I don’t know why, that’s what represents my emotions and feelings the best. It’s the first time I find pictures of spirals that represent exactly what I am feeling at this precise moment in time! They came from this page. It is simply incredible, extraordinary, amazing! Click on the link, and then scroll down a little until you see the small, medium, or large applets that can be lauched… choose one… and then click on the picture… wait… click again… wait… click again… wait sometimes a minute or two if the picture looks especially interesting… In fact, the whole website is simply unbelievable. You have to find out what your cursor does to the pictures and shapes and words and images… move it around… wait… click… play with the mathematical equations behind all this… Really fun, weird, beautiful, odd, cool!

Start here or there for other amazing stuff.

PICTURES!!

here’s one… to make you want to see more… that’s the view i had from my office when i was working there…

img_0407.jpg

Heureux qui comme Ulysse a fait un long voyage…

… and is back to the real world…

this weekend, I must ($=time consuming, $$=very time consuming, $$$=horribly time consuming!) (#%@=painful, %#@!*#= very painful, @#&^#@!&*=super horribly painful! (important because what is the most time consuming might not be the most painful activity… and vice-versa!)) (and the list may increase at any time):

- write an economics paper ($$$$$$) (@*&^!@#&@%$!#%!^*&!#$%@!!*&!#!)
- go show Pie to students tonight ($)
- grade 15 papers ($$$$) (@#&%@!&*)
- plan next week’s classes and invite guests for interviews ($$)
- write a ling. paper ($) (@&!*)
- answer the econ. questions online ($$) (@#&%@#)
- do the reading for HR ($$) (@#!)
- read and reply to the 37 emails i received while in utah ($$) (@#!)
- write a letter of recommendation ($) (@&%^#!*&*@#!@$!)
- do some research for final ling. paper ($$$$$) (@*&)
- do the reading for economics class ($$) (*&@*&^!%#!)
- schedule the presentations i need to attend at tesol ($)
- not speak to anyone online or i’ll never finish all this (#%@#*&^!)
- not learn about php or i’ll never finish all this (#%@!@*&^#@)
- not work on my website or i’ll never finish all this (#%@)
- not try to understand why mac+IE won’t read my journal or i’ll never finish all this (#%@)
- not read 15 other blogs or i’ll never finish all this (#%@#%@!*)
- not look at and organize my 80-something utah pictures (@*&!@*&!@!!!)
- not listen to music and waste time or i’ll never finish all this (#%@)
- not take a nap or i’ll never finish all this (#%@)
- not look for a nice poem to write here or i’ll never finish all this (#%@)
- not try to clean my house or i’ll never finish all this
- not unpack my suitcase or i’ll never finish all this
- not eat or i’ll never finish all this (#%@)
- NOT DO ANYTHING INTERESTING BUT ONLY HOMEWORK or i’ll never finish all this (@*&!@&!~&*^%$@*&^!@#$!@*&^%$#!!)!

i have to pack and fly and fly and fly and i hate that. thank goodness mark is picking me up in indy! i just spent a wonderful day with wonderful friends and am asking myself: if i were living here, would i actually see all these friends that often and have that much fun with them the way i did this week? thinking of the past… yes, i did spend some time grading student papers and eating chinese food with bequie and going to the sushi place and speaking french with judy… saw dan & co. rarely… the elc people all the time of course… my teachers all the time too… no fun there… bob and molli rarely… so really, if i think about it, the fun would definitely not last if i stayed here and i meet with friends in indiana about as often as i would meet with friends if i were here. still… my friends here have more « history » and we « go way back when » … dan in switzerland… molli in old mill… judy learning french… hae hin in class… bequie at work for many years… sad that myq is gone now… my ex-students are all over the world… i don’t think i’ve created such strong friendships in indiana yet, after only 2 years. i mean, if i left indiana today and went back there after 2-3 years, who would i still want to see? who would i remember? who would remember me? who would still be there anyway?? ok, i would really want to see margie and tony and chris… gigi and mark and xiaoye and the others would be gone… i’m glad that i was able to spend some good time with the most important people here: bequie, judy, molli, dan…. and all the others too. friends for life, in my heart forever. i love you all! … and remember, you’ll always be welcome in lafayette ;)

time flies… this is my last day here! my heart is full of sunsets, smiles, friendships, mountains, good times, good laughs, good food… well that’d be my stomach really, i ate so much this past week that i don’t think anyone in indiana will recognize me!
yesterday: i went to salt lake to visit hae jin. hadn’t seen her in 3 years… married now… working and not going to school anymore… changed a little… still the same at the same time. i wanted to do many other things afterwards but was too tired and had a hard time breathing (judy says it might also be the altitude… i say it’s also the allergies!) so i went back and slept all afternoon before having dinner with bob and molli at this brasilian restaurant where i had invited them. today: go to the bank, go to the mall with judy and then eat sushi, go to the shooting range and maybe the movie… just thinking of all that makes me tired, but it’s my last day! forget the headache, the painful ears, and the stuffy nose and enjoy enjoy enjoy!!!!

interesting article about india… will have to discuss this with my students!
utah vs. indiana: stores/malls/restaurants are open on sunday in indiana, and the air is so humid there that my hair doesn’t go all static and crazy like in utah! yay, i found two things that i like about indiana–miracles do happen!!!

when i have a few minutes, i like to go from blog to blog and read what people have to say. i usually start with LuLu’s blog because i like what she says plus she has a lot of links, and then i go from link to link, sometimes to links given in the comments… and today i stumbled accross some nasty comments exchanged by some people about the tragedy of madrid. to this, i would like to say a few things:

1) i don’t know about other people, but for every word i write here, there’s 300 i’m thinking but not writing, either because it’s too personal, too long, too boring, or whatever. it means that the ideas expressed here are only a fraction of me, and my readers (few as they are) might get a wrong idea about me just because they don’t know the rest of me… that’s what i try to remember when i read other people’s blogs before i judge them.

2) not being able to express our different opinions without being insulted back helps me understand why this world is in the sad state it is. i tell my students and my friends that they may think whatever they want because i love to learn new ideas and perspectives… and i listen to their reasons and ask for clarifications if i don’t agree with what they have to say and before i insult them. our differences are what should make this world a wonderful place and diversity of color, thoughts, shapes, lives, actions, should be welcomed, not misunderstood and erased.

3) concerning the madrid tragedy, here are (some of) my thoughts: it is horrible, it is beyond sad, and it is incomprehensible. however, it always makes me sad to realize that we go from new tragedy to new tragedy and forget the « in-between » tragedies. yes: 9/11: tragedy; bam: tragedy; madrid: tragedy… but who cries for the children who every day are starving in africa, those killed in colombia, the people tortured in turkey, those imprisonned in guantanamo, the abused women in pakistan, those burnt in india, the people without freedom or rights in china, poverty in peru, dictatorship in argentina, racism in south africa, terror in algeria, corruption in malaysia, violence in the « banlieues » in france… and so much more… who remembers that every day!? i try to. and when i forget, just to remind myself of how lucky i am, i go visit amnesty international’s website, for example… also, we watch it on tv (well, i don’t, that’s why i don’t have a tv actually), we mourn, we are silent for a few minutes, but really, what else do we do about it? i discussed this problem with bam already so i won’t get into it again… but this passivity hurts me very much.

4) the sun is shining today. let’s enjoy the day… i have my family, my friends, my health, and this might be my last day!

it’s been so long since i’ve laughed so much that my jaw hurt last night! as molli, bob, jacob, and i were stuffing ourselves with turkey, beens, mashed potatoes, gravy, jell-o, rolls, and chocolate cake, and playing this really funny game, i was thinking that i am usually alone in my apartment in the evenings, and it’s rare that i am with friends like that and having that much fun!

for a day spent doing « nothing, » yesterday was pretty busy: first, judy and i tried to find an open japanese restaurant… but everything was closed (yeah, i knew i’d start to remember why i left utah!) and so we went to the olive garden, still good ok and really fun to be together again! my ears and throat were hurting a lot… but who cares!? then we went to judy’s place and called hae jin… i’m going to have to drive back up to salt lake to see her on tuesday morning, which is fine i guess… i’m just glad i get to see her again, because it’s been way more than 2 years!! when i left, i decided to go spend money and so went to media play… and desperately tried to find something i could buy… but couldn’t find anything! this was discouraging!! i was just too tired i guess… or something was very wrong with me, because you usually put me in a dvd/cd/book store and i can easily spend hundreds of dollars in 30 minutes!

the evening was a lot of fun, as i explained above. bob and molli are just so kind to me! i was sneezing all the time, coughing, having the hiccups constantly, and my throat, head, and ears were hurting, but i didn’t care, having that much fun is too precious and wonderful! i was going to move to judy’s place today, but i feel too sick to pack and move and unpack and re-pack a couple of days later… just thinking of my trip back on thursday already makes my ears hurt!

i am dreaming a lot lately, especially about trees… destruction of trees to be precise… does anyone know what the symbol is there?

spain… i cry with you in my heart…

today: eat lunch with rob erickson, go to the elc, take a lot of pictures, have dinner with bequie & husband at the sushi place, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

day 3
sick, oh so sick… yesterday was fun though: seeing Dan and Michele again, with their 2.5 kids, even though we didn’t speak that much but will do lunch on monday… Dan has not changed one bit, it’s so funny, still skin and bones and greasy hands; Bequie hasn’t changed either, except for the ring on her finger, and we went to the mall to buy me new shoes and three empty journals, ate at the spaghetty factory, talked talked talked, and then watched lost in translation at her place where i met her hubby. great times! i guess the day was so warm that i didn’t wear a coat but i should have, because now my throat is killing me and it’s hard to breathe and i sneeze every 2 secs. brrrr…. i feel so cold i’m going back to bed!

today: DO NOTHING!

day 2:
the headache’s still here. yesterday i only did 2/3 of what i wanted to do because by 1pm MT i was back home and passed out on the bed, feeling seasick and ready to die. i don’t know what’s wrong with me… i’m exhausted to the bones… feel 10 years older.

- the ELC: Joyce is such a sweetheart and seing her and everyone else made it all come back in a second: the students, the friends, the fun, the activities, the TOEFL class, Guillermo… i felt « at home » there, and ready to go upstairs to teach my class… …telling the same stories over and over: purdue, my students, my program, indiana…
- school: this campus has changed SO MUCH that it was hard to believe it’s the same place–incredible new buildings, an underground road around campus to make it more pedestrian i guess, less parking… the JKHB’s still there though, with Dr. Tanner who talked with me for a long time and Dr. Henrichsen too.
- Dr. Tanner: speaking with him is just an experience that always makes me feel good. he never tries to make things sound better than they really are… understands what i’m going through… gives me good advice… is always so kind… too bad he’s so busy. we also discussed about our presentation for TESOL and well, i’m happy to see him again there soon.
- Dr. Henrichsen: was interested in learning more about centralization (of power and money, because he feels upset that the grants his department earns are distributed to other departments too. I said the grants the other departments earn are also distributed to HIS department!) and the 106i program, since they want to do the same kind of thing at BYU now. he told me that excellent student evaluations won’t get me a job but that bad ones will prevent me from getting one. also said that the article i sent to TESOL Quarterly wouldn’t be accepted and that i had to be ready for the letter of rejection. i said i had very low expectations in life…
- El Azteca: delicious sandwitches… yummy… wish i had that in Lafayette!
- The Outback: very popular place, always incredibly crowded, and the food’s still the same: delicious! (especially the pina colada and the blooming onion!)… and yes, i had a steak…
- Jeff: still the Outback man and still the same funny and kind and busy man. Paid for my dinner but not that of Molli, Bob, or Jacob… odd… had a serious car accident last october and never told me about it.

today: call Judy, Dan, and Bequie! will try to go visit Dan and his family early today, take a long nap, and maybe go out tonight with Bequie… and hopefully, i’ll survive. the weather is amazingly sunny and warm and i’m happy to be here! and yes, sadly enough, it IS the last vacation i have before next Christmas, and in fact, it is the LAST REAL vacation i have until i finish my PhD! enjoy enjoy enjoy!!!

petite depeche d’utah en 2 minutes!

- i made a mistake with the time difference: my trip lasted 15 hours, not 11… ADD two hours and not subtract, hehe, i wouldn’t get a 100% on a math test for sure ;)
- i baught a book called « Waiting » (by Ha Jin, which is really good by the way) and read it all day and in almost every airport in the country… pretty funny…
- very sweet to be back here. it’s sunny, warm, beautiful! the mountains are still capped with snow, the sunsets are amazing, people are nice and not in a hurry, my rental car is great (although i forgot my handicap sign, dammit, so i’ll have to live like the « normal people » for a while)… oh my goodness, why did i ever leave??
- the good thing is i know i’ll KNOW why i left after a week here!!
- i drove through town last night when i got here… wow, things have changed, the city (and salt lake too!) has grown so much, …but i didn’t see the Y on the mountain…?!
- not really missing indiana yet… but the people yes, or course.. although it’s nice to really feel ON VACATION!
- cold weather in indiana, buckets of rain in cincinnati, little blizzard in chicago… thank goodness i left the midwest!
- am going to have to forget that i’m a vegetarian for a week… can’t bother everyone who kindly invites me and say « oh by the way, i’m a vegetarian… » … not a big problem though, after all, i’ve always said i’d be a « moderate » vegetarian…
- had a headache all night and still have it this morning but who cares?? i had 3 VERY weird dreams last night too, one about the fact that i was firing one of our secretaries, one about a student, and one about a leak (of milk??!!) in my parents’ apartment in switzerland… which entirely flooded the place… anyway, can’t get into more details or you’ll think i’m completely crazy!
- my watch says 11am but it’s really 9am here, so i feel lazy but with still tons of time ahead of me: very nice feeling!
- today’s schedule: go to the ELC and surprise everyone; go to school and surprise everyone; eat lunch maybe with rob or at el azteca (delicious avocado sandwitches); talk with dr. tanner about our presentation in tesol in april; go visit the campus again and see what has changed and if i remember everything correctly; buy shampoo and little padding things for my crutches because they’re very old and maybe new shoes at the mall if i have time; have a fun evening with molli, bob, and hopefully jacob at the outback and maybe a new place that i’ve never known before; sleep… but maybe not :)
- enjoy enjoy enjoy every minute i can be here!! … it’s my last vacation until next christmas!!!

je suis venue te dire que je m’en vais… et tes larmes n’y pourront rien changer…

ok, no beautiful parting words, but my friends, i’m going back to utah, after two years! a whole day of airports (door to door: 11 hours!)… but if i remember correctly, you can find computers in utah, so i should be able to come back here from time to time and do hope to hear from you!

don’t want to be thinking of work/life/school for a week but have finally had to admit that i MUST take some work/homework with me… i’ll miss you all… 2,000 miles of extra distance does make a difference… but i’ll try to come back… maybe… be good and try not missing me too much :)